I hired someone to do some work for me and when she requested access to one of my files…I found myself cringing and apologising “My files are a mess!! I’m embarrassed! I’m so sorry!”
She replied kindly “Hey it’s OK!! We’re creatives not administrators!”
Ah! The instant (and yet temporary) relief. I embraced the identity and declared like an empowering affirmation “I’m a creative, not an administrator!”
Little did I realise at the time that we were colluding with the twin gremlins best known by the names Overwhelm and Chaos.
You see, how you do anything is how you do everything.
When one part of our lives, no matter how seemingly insignificant, is chaotic it seeps into every area of our life. How? Well it’s vibration baby!!
Let’s rewind the clock. It’s October 2018 and I’m sat in my car in the supermarket car park, crying. I’m burned out, overwhelmed and my head is pounding with thoughts of so much to do!!
This moment is a full blown manifestation of the chaos of my filing systems!!
Here I am, harboring a chronic pattern of thought around my ability (or lack thereof) to be organised, disciplined and systematic.
My filing is messy and there’s a semblance of attempts at order that fell apart months (years) ago.
My download folder is cluttered with documents that are no longer needed and could have been deleted months (years) ago.
I can’t find anything on my computer with any speed and brevity and there’s so much duplication it’s ridiculous.
This whole situation is a reflection of where my thinking is at. Our internal world creates our external world, right? Thoughts >> feelings >> behaviours and actions >> results which leads to thoughts >> feelings >> and so on
Repeat that loop enough times and you have a dominant frequency that keeps you perpetuating the same result and creating an identity that sounds in my case like “I’m disorganised and chaotic. I’m rubbish at filing and sticking with orderly filing”. At its essence is the frequency of overwhelm, lack of clarity and ultimately, chaos.
And we all know how that F’s with your creative flow!!
When I looked at other areas of my life, I realised the seepage. I would get irritated by my perpetual inability to get organised around meal planning and I wasted so much energy staring into the fridge wondering what ensemble I could create from a bunch of random ingredients “mmm what can I make with olives, carrots, cheese and half a can of sweetcorn…” Followed by a crushing self-admonishing “Why oh why can’t I get my act together??!!”
And when it came to my business. I would very quickly feel overwhelmed by multiple projects and I told myself the lie (and held on for so long) that I could only have one project going on at any one time. Which didn’t serve me when I wanted to launch courses and programmes, do my regular marketing and PR work, write AND serve my clients!! Phew!! My best friends Overwhelm and Chaos right there by my side the whole time!!
Because I let them in the back door by justifying my messy filing!!
Fast-forward to now >>>
I’m not perfect and I don’t have all my shit together but I’m way ahead of where I was. I worked with a coach who helped me get organised (the formidable Roxana Ghiassi) and create systems.
I learned strategies to manage my workload.
And most importantly I changed my story. I told myself a new story that I am able to create and stick to schedules and order to manage certain areas of my life. I told myself a new story that I can be both spontaneous AND structured!
I released the lie that creatives can’t be both creative AND fantasise over filing!!
And as a result, I have less overwhelm and way more high vibe frequency of clarity, calm, and control in every area of my life and business.
What identities are you attaching to that you really need to release?
Love Sanae x